Whether you’re with a partner or flying solo, women often face more barriers to orgasm. From a lack of biological knowledge to mental blocks, it’s no surprise that 20% of women claim they’ve never orgasmed, and a shocking 50% wish they could orgasm more.

Though not so taboo anymore, the female orgasm has always divided opinion, leading to misunderstandings and a lack of pleasure for women worldwide. But we want to change that!

Keep reading to understand the general components of the female orgasm and how you can increase your chances of having one. Like the sound of that? We do, too. Let’s go!

Why Are Women Less Likely to Orgasm?

Before we jump into the juicy stuff, it’s essential to discuss the orgasm gap. This term refers to the difference between male and female orgasms in the context of heterosexual sex.

Studies have shown that women are having fewer orgasms than men, with only 49% of wives in heterosexual newlywed couples reporting consistent orgasms, compared to 87% of husbands.

So, why does this gap exist? Experts aren’t exactly sure. Some think it’s purely biological, while others blame a lack of sexual education and lingering shame surrounding female sexuality and pleasure.

How to Have Your First Orgasm

If you haven’t orgasmed before but want to reach your peak, it’s important to note that real orgasms aren’t like the screaming finales you see in films. While some may react that way, others don’t.

What’s really important is to take the pressure off yourself and reframe your goals. Rather than viewing orgasm as a be-all and end-all achievement, focus on simply enjoying the pleasure.

Here are some tips to enhance your sexual experience:

1. Consider It a Journey
   Focus on the journey rather than the destination. This might sound cliché, but it’s a tried-and-tested way to remove the mental blocks that could be hindering your orgasms.

2. Make Sure You’re in a Comfortable Surrounding
   There’s no point in trying to orgasm if you feel uncomfortable. Choose a place where you won’t be distracted or interrupted. Knowing you’re in a safe space will lead to a more relaxed mindset.

3. Take Time to Get in the Mood
   You need to be turned on before you can orgasm! So, take time to set the mood and think sexy thoughts. An erotic story, pornography, or even your imagination can help with this.

4. The Physical Stuff
   Now, let’s get to the important part: how to touch yourself. Everyone enjoys different sensations and speeds. If you have a vagina and clitoris, a good starting point is to massage the fleshy area above your clit, gradually working your way down.

   Typically, you’ll find yourself wanting to rub harder and faster. Experiment with pressure and speed until you feel close to losing control. You might also want to try some vaginal penetration, either with your fingers or a sex toy, to explore different sensations.

What If You Don’t Orgasm?

If you’ve tried and not succeeded, don’t panic. Some people can orgasm more easily than others, and not achieving one doesn’t mean it’s impossible for you.

Reflect on your last attempt: Did you feel close to orgasm, or did you not feel anything at all? Did you enjoy the sensations? Consider whether a sex toy or a different approach might help you feel more aroused.

Also, take into account any stressors in your life (work, health, relationships) that may impact your ability to enjoy sexual pleasure. If at any point masturbation or sex feels less pleasurable, it’s essential to set boundaries and stop.

Should You See a Doctor If You Can’t Orgasm?

It’s usually not necessary to see your GP if you can’t orgasm, unless you experience pain or signs of infection. However, you might consider addressing your concerns with a sex therapist. Unlike doctors, sex therapists focus on the psychological aspects of sexuality and can help with communication, body confidence, and overcoming mental blocks related to orgasm.

What Actually Happens to Your Body When You Orgasm?

Understanding what happens to your body during orgasm can be beneficial. It’s worth noting that not all orgasms are the same; some may be stronger and more intense than others. Physical symptoms of an orgasm in women include:

• A sudden release of sexual tension
• Increased blood pressure and heart rate
• Quick, short breaths
• Involuntary muscle contractions (e.g., in feet, abdomen, or legs)
• Contractions of the vagina and uterus

Other Ways to Increase the Chances of Orgasm

Experimenting with different elements can help you get closer to orgasm. Follow what you’re drawn to and start playing with your fantasies. Here are some common turn-ons that may inspire your sex life:

• Spend more time on foreplay or external stimulation.
• Incorporate a romantic narrative into your session.
• Explore touching non-sexual parts of your body (e.g., your stomach or legs).
• Engage in kissing with a partner.
• Experiment with sensory elements, such as blindfolds or temperature play.

The Takeaway

Orgasms might feel a world away, but as you continue to explore pleasure, you’ll get closer to that elusive peak. Remember to take the pressure off yourself and focus on enjoyment. If you concentrate solely on achieving orgasm, it might take the joy out of the experience and leave you feeling frustrated.

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